Thursday, March 29, 2007

One. Two.

One comment to bring apart two sides of me
One of denial and refusal
One of torment and turmoil

Two sides to debate
Two sides to squabble
Two sides of being inconsiderate
Two sides to juggle

Come what may they say
It helps to make you feel better
So I chose to walk this way
and keep my emotions at bay

So why does his comments disturb me?
Despite my self-determined distance?
Pricks and bleeds
Hurts indeed

A silent scream rips my throat
Gushes out a ruby wave
Eyes glazed with liquid fire
Pouring out from hollowed caves

Tries to resist the muscle
stops in my tracks
A shift of the back
to conceal the vexed

I chose this path
Upon which I walk
For now none shall waylay
or even so much as to mock

For swift shall be my defense
If restraints are not contained
Come what may they say
but alas, so many things. so gray.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Dual Intricacies

Its amazing how I finally sat down in front of my laptop [yes I have written off my PC at zero disposal value] and decided I will update my blog after such a long hiatus.

Basically my previous desktop is sitting in a small corner of my room jus waiting for bugs and moss to create a new habitat. Ok forget the bugs, I swear no bugs will come because I will personally ensure the cleanliness. Heaven forbid I come back one and find a cockroach crawling out of the PC. *Shudders*

Much of my absence had been attributed to my sudden fervor in my work. My Boss apparently thinks highly of me. I guess partly on my side is my determination after a month of careful consideration about what I need to plan for my next 5-10 years of my career path. A decision was made therefore to attribute the next 5-10 yrs in permanently etching my presence in the world of IT-related marketing campaigns. Countless weekends had been burnt just for me to do research readings and understanding on IT products and the different companies which employs them right up to the different comparisons and how it relates to the marketing strategies they employ to showcase their strengths and low-profile their weaknesses.

Alrite, this blog is not to further enhance my current addiction to my work.

Apologies guys if my recent absence had been felt but no action taken for remedy. I miss you guys too trust me. Very much. To the extent the feeling of loneliness seeps in whenever I receive a praise from the Boss or client at the end of the day and I just wish I could relate this happiness to you guys but not making you guys confused at the same time or miscommunicating my pride in my work as an indirect attempt to show off my what-so-not-significant achievements. Nah, I know its a feeble achievement but the feelings relate to a baby that had just achieved its first step. Unsteady in knowing what to feel just knowing that someone had been giving smiles and praise and somehow oneself had done something great. Unfortunately, its not like this baby here can just share its uncertain happiness with another baby right?

Club Crawl is coming fast and hard. All of my heart yearns to perform for this event together with DanZ InC. My Convocation happens to fall on the friday just the week before. In short, 13th April is my Convo and the following 18th & 19th April is NYP Club Crawl. Gonna have to talk to my Boss about me applying for almost 4 days of leave in one shot because he has approached me to take on this project for a IT Company which is gonna last for a yr. Most projects do not stretch more than 2-3mths max but a yr... it sounds big just from the timeframe alone. Him putting me in charge of this shows his level of confidence of me. How could I reject? But the same fact applies if I take up this project my commitment to dance will be severely affected because all the more I cannot allow this project to be done badly in my hands. A brother of mine in dance had told me before if he had to choose in my shoes he would choose the career because its a logical and practical choice. So its down to the war of choices between the head and the heart. Sigh.

A recent close friend's ROM made me reflect slightly on how my personal life had progressed. I realised that many times I do miss my ex-girlfriend. However, I question my own feelings in the sense do I miss her because I am not over her? Or simply because I am feeling lonely and simply yearn for her company? As of right now I do not have an answer to my queries and therefore until I can sort my own feelings clearly I will not bow to the pressures of loneliness. I would rather suffer the coldness of being alone than suffer the partner who accompanies so that I can satisfy my own desires.

Hurray, it does feel refreshing to pour out my thoughts after bottling it for the past few mths. I'm glad you guys missed my blog. Kinda makes me feel that you guys miss me too. O K A Y tat almost sounded gay. LOL.

Till then, carpe diem.